So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I did not marry a roomba.
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