He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
