The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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