just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
