He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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