I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize