The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize