My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
