come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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