maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
