fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize