Ambien. No doubt about it.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
