She is in my trunk
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Pooping to opera.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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