he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
