Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
