Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
