The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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