i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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