To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
