Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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