Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
