I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize