Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
