I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
