i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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