Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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