if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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