i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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