i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I need help removing her.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize