I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
