omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize