Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Randomize
