and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
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