i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
