If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
