i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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