We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
