so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
