If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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