do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
