our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize