$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize