his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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