Soap is not a condiment
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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