foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
