the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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