First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
