ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
