"it" just moved
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
