there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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