this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
