Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Randomize