I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
