two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
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