She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
