bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
