I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i think my tv is drunk
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
