She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
