You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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