Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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