I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
